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My Life with a Borderline: My Personal Journey, by Matthew Kelleher
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Yvette was charming, sexy and smart. She was also a doctor. And she wanted him. Could this be 'too good to be true'? How could he have been so lucky to find her?What he didn't know at the time they met was that she was probably a 'high-functioning Borderline', someone exceptionally intelligent, alluring and amorous, yet self-destructive and damaging; not just to him, but to herself. As a result of their first meeting, his two-year relationship with Yvette would literally take him to the edge of insanity, and back again. And it would only be through the painful, gruelling process of self-discovery that he would find the inner strength to finally release himself from the madness and mayhem that characterised his 'Borderline' relationship. This personal journey eventually led him to find the reasons why he had been attracted to Yvette in the first place, reasons that would literally be life-changing. This is his story...
Kelleher's explicit and honest autobiographical memoir of his two-year relationship with someone whom he suspected was suffering from 'Borderline Personality Disorder' is both harrowing, and enlightening. It details the story of how Kelleher succumbed to Yvette's 'Borderline charms', primarily through a lack of his own self-awareness, and tells the story of their subsequent relationship. It also details his traumatic experience in trying to leave this relationship, required in the end to safeguard his own sanity.But beyond his story, Kelleher tells the account of how his relationship with Yvette awoke fundamental realisations about his own character, and about why he chose to remain in such a dysfunctional relationship for so long.In essence, it is a story about self-discovery and about how Kelleher's relationship with someone possessing 'Borderline' characteristics was ultimately responsible for leading him to discover a deep and profound understanding of the very person he really was, rather than the person he 'thought' he was before meeting Yvette. This book will appeal primarily to 'Non-BPD's', either people who are currently in relationships with partners and loved-ones who may be suffering from Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD), and/or those who may have chosen to leave such a relationship in the recent past. The book takes a balanced view, and recognises and acknowledges the reasons why 'non's' may choose to stay in such dysfunctional relationships. It is ultimately a book about self-discovery, and personal recovery from the trauma experienced by a 'non' by being in a 'Borderline' relationship.It may also be of interest to those suffering from BPD, or those who suspect that they might be. It is an honest, heart-felt account about the chaos experienced by a 'non-BPD' within a 'Borderline' relationship, which also fully acknowledges the 'non's' contribution to the ongoing dysfunction within such a destructive relationship.
- Sales Rank: #3032672 in Books
- Published on: 2012-01-13
- Original language: English
- Number of items: 1
- Dimensions: 8.00" h x .32" w x 5.00" l, .32 pounds
- Binding: Paperback
- 140 pages
From the Author
'Surviving' and dealing with the fall-out from the end of a romantic relationship with someone who was suspected of having 'Borderline Personality Disorder', or 'BPD' is one of the hardest things I have done, if not THE hardest.
Whilst in my two-year relationship, I had to endure emotional outbursts, devaluation and emotional abuse. But after the relationship was over, these were replaced with self-doubt, shame and toxic-guilt. Was I right to leave? Have I 'failed' again? Was it as bad as I thought it was? My 'reality' was skewed. And recovery isn't easy. I can tell you that from personal experience, and that's an understatement. But it was those feelings that prompted me to write my book. It was cathartic, and writing it has helped me heal.And I hope if you read it, it will help you either understand the 'Borderline' relationship you find yourself in at the moment, or understand the feelings you have since you left your relationship.
In 'recovery' from possible 'addiction' to a Borderline relationship, you need to be emotionally strong. Some people use their 'faith' to help, and others use support groups such as 'Co-dependants Anonymous'. These are all important. But in my experience, it takes a profound deal of self-analysis and introspection to fully achieve 'closure' from such a dysfunctional relationship. As a 'non-BP' it is very easy to 'blame' the 'BPD' for all the chaos that probably ravaged your relationship, but in my opinion, you also have to look at yourself.
Why did I 'choose' to stay in such an abusive relationship? Why did I 'choose' to get into such a relationship in the first place? And what is it about ME that the 'BPD' was so attracted to in the first-place?
All these are extremely difficult questions, and instead of focussing on the characteristics of your (ex-)partner and their 'Borderline Personality Disorder', I found the path to self-healing to be self-analysis and self-discovery. In examining yourself, you may realise that you are 'co-dependant', and possibly even narcissistic yourself. These are important realisations to make, and 'own-up' to, if you are to move beyond the self-doubt and shame associated with the end of such a relationship.
In my opinion, self-analysis and self-discovery is ESSENTIAL in order to be able to do this, and from my own experience I would recommend reading other books by Alice Miller and Melody Beattie. Yes, it is going to be hard, probably the hardest thing you have ever done in your life, but you ARE NOT ALONE. I'm still here, and you will be too.
I am now a 'survivor' of the abuse and trauma I experienced in such a destructive relationship, and I am no longer a 'victim'. And you can be too. Just listen to, and believe in YOURSELF. The very best of luck in your own journey of self-discovery, and my thoughts and compassion are with you.
About the Author
Matthew Kelleher currently works in the healthcare industry, and lives in England, Great Britain.
Most helpful customer reviews
2 of 2 people found the following review helpful.
Well-Balanced & Insightful , I learned about "My" part in it.
By Infrared
This book was very helpful to me. Mr. Kelleher has written a well-balanced account. I had read one other account of a relationship with a female borderline written by a male and it was more from a finger pointing perspective, which this book is not. I was in a relationship with a borderline who I would say was about a 5 on a scale of 10. I think that Mr. Kelleher's partner was closer to a 10. The dynamics of both people in this book were VERY familiar to me, though. What I liked about this book is that the author was also looking for the part of himself that brought him to the relationship and kept him going back for more. The self-responsibility. That helped me to see "my stuff" and to change and grow. Self-awareness is always good, but sometimes painful. I decided to read the book so that possibly I could get some personal insight from the story, which I did. The discussion was somewhat repetitive, but in a way...it had to be. That is part of the agony in these "dances".
Pros: Kelleher's definition of the opposite of love: ambivalence. I would ad to that definition, and refine it saying: That the unhealthy opposite of love is hate, the healthy opposite of love is ambivalence, with a little forgiveness and empathy thrown in.
Cons: OK...this is my pet peeve. Mr. Kelleher needs a proof reader to go thru his manuscript and make spelling and word corrections. There are MANY. There are even some words that are not words. There are also words that are misspelled repeatedly throughout the book. This is "literature" and should be presented with pride and polish and professionalism. Anything less takes away from what the author is trying to impart. It always makes a book less-than. Always. I find that MANY e-books are loaded with these kinds of mistakes and I do not understand it. It is soooo easy to correct a manuscript today with spell checkers, electronic dictionaries etc. So I alway find this to be unfathomable.
With corrections I could give the book 4-1/2 stars, especially for what is available in this subject matter. It is an honest heart-felt story.
1 of 1 people found the following review helpful.
Interesting, but the "quotations" drove me insane
By Kate
I came across this ebook in my quest to learn more about BPD after ending a relationship with someone whom I strongly suspect has the disorder. He has elements of OCD, but also displays most of the signs of BPD as well. My mother does also... go figure.
This book is very obviously self-published and could use a good editor. The author uses way too many quotation marks where they are not needed. It was distracting and annoying to have random words with quotation marks around them - I'm not really sure why people do that, but it's awful to read.
Bad writing aside, the material itself was enlightening. I could definitely relate to this guy's experience. I feel a little better reading about somebody else getting sucked into a BPD mess. The author goes into his childhood and how he was playing out his childhood wounds as an adult in a BPD/codependent relationship. That's exactly what happened to me.
1 of 1 people found the following review helpful.
Borderline
By Kerrie
As a person with Borderline Personality Disorder, I hope this book reaches the hands of professional mental health workers that have a broad knowledge of BPD. I believe that this would be another tool for professionals to see the view of a person without BPD.
What a tragic encounter the author endured. This book is very well written and shows a way of 'self' awareness.
I thank the author for putting this out there so that others can see that 'Borderline Personality Disorder' does exist.
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